Long Distance Lovin'

Never in a million years did I think I would ever enter the world of a long distance relationship (LDR), but here we both are! We are just over 2 years in right now, and I have so many people ask me how we do it. How do we keep the fire going? How do we stay connected? How can we possibly keep our relationship alive? We had a lot of nay sayers and people who told us it wouldn't work. On the flip side of that, we had more people supporting us than we could have ever imagined!!

There are no set rules for LDR. Each couple is vastly different, and how they choose to get through the tough times will not be the same as us. We have always reminded each other of how lucky we are to be close to enough to visit as often as we get the chance to. At least we live in the same time zone! That's not the case for all LDR couples!

However, we have both learned a lot along the way. Rich and I aren't perfect people, and therefore, we accept that we aren't a perfect couple either. It takes a lot of paitence, dedication, and above all, it takes love. Not just the mushy love either. Sometimes it takes that frustratingly ugly kind of love. You know....when you just don't like the person at the moment for whatever reason, but you love them (and yourself) through a difficult situation. I'll be the first to admit that I would a hide a lot of my feelings in the begining. It was very much out of my comfort zone to share my hurts, my doubts, and my worries. Rich had a way of gently pulling that out of me. I would end up bawling, curled up in my bed and exhausted, yet it was freeing to be able to tell him exactly what was on my mind. Once I got past the fear that we would break up if I felt something negative, it became much easier. That is love. He listened, he loved me through it, and we became strong because of it. That said, rule #1 for us would probably be to just let yourself go. Let your true self, good and bad, show. Be vulnerable, no matter how difficult that is. If you are BOTH willing to meet each other halfway emotionally, it will be much easier to overcome the hard stuff.

Rule #2 is something we just figured out. We knew this all along, and yet, for some reason, didn't apply it to our relationship. BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT!!! You must, you must, you MUST give each other the benefit of the doubt. I won't get into what led us there, but I will say this, don't project your own thoughts, worries, and insecurities onto your partner. We have both done this, and it's not fair to the other. Here's an example from early on when I projected my insecurities onto Rich. It seems so silly now, and we even recently talked about it as an example. I even feel silly putting this out there, but....early on, after we fell madly in love, there was a time I was mentally keeping score. Yep. We have all done this before. It's lame. Don't do it. I kept score of how many times he said he loved me. In his defense, he didn't know that I needed to hear those three little words. After all, they are just words, and they didn't define his feelings for me. But, for me, they were all I had at that time. I didn't have him by my side. All I had was a voice on the other end of the line, and they words "I love you" for reassurance. Dude.....This poor guy.....I mean, here I was, out of the blue calling him, standoffish, not wanting to talk about it. When I did, I am bawling my eyes out, barley forming a full sentence. I can only imagine what was going through his head in that moment. He said "but I thought you knew I love you." Aaaand there it was! I should have been confident. I should have given him that benefit of the doubt. He thought I knew. of course I knew! I just decided to keep score instead of realizing that he had no idea I needed to hear those words.


Rule #3 would be to find common ground. For us, it became training for a half and full marathon back to back becasue we are just that crazy! We also found TV shows to watch together, music to listen to together, we introduced each other to things the other person liked. We found things that would help keep us connected. Thus, Team Strong was formed.

With the help of my friend Jacky, we created these shirts for our Disney runs (the Goofy Challenge in Florida and the Disneyland half in Cali). Through the miles, we trained together. We held each other accountable (him more than me. I have a love/hate when it comes to running). We watch shows like Orange is the New Black and Game of Thrones together. I introduced him to Dr. Who and that became a thing for us. You have to have fun things to talk about. "Normal" couples watch TV and listen to music together. They bond over meals and favorite foods. They talk about the latest news stories. You and your long distance partner should too! 

Rule #4 Find your support system and keep them close. We are so lucky to have so many people cheering us on. As we trained for Disney, we often spoke of all the finish lines we would continue to cross. Just like running, you never just stop chasing that goal. Just because you cross a finish line, it doesn't mean it's the end. There is always something to accomplish and over come. But, you can't do that alone. There is no way I could possibly picture every person who supports us, but here a few! 

These are the people you should lean on. They are the ones that will help you stay busy. They will keep your feelings in check, and they will cheer you one when you need it most. The ones in the pics are our families. There are many many more friends and family members that play a big role in where we are today. For each and every one of them we are grateful.

Rule #5 You won't always feel the same feels at the same time. There will be moments when one of you is stronger than the other, and that's ok. It's ok to let your partner carry you through a hard time. It's also ok to let yourself be vulnerable and allow them to carry you when you need it. It's ok to not be on the same level all the time. In fact, that is what will continue to make you stronger, so long as you remember to love and rule #2.

Rule #6 Find your sexy. Well yeah, of course. You want to entice the other person, but how do you do that in LDR. I won't be putting those little details out here ;), but I will say that you should find ways to keep that fire burning. There will be times you aren't feeling very fantastic about yourself. That's ok. Tell your partner. Keep them in the loop. Don't leave them wondering why you haven't sent that flirty text or vid in a while. It may be uncomfortable at first. Keep in mind that your partner will understand your insecurities, but that they love those things you see as flawed. Give yourself over to them. You may be suprised at how well they respond to the things you see as imperfections. You will get used to it eventually. Aaaaand that's all I'm going to say about that.

Rule #7 Do not judge. That is a very vague statement and it's meant to be. There are so many things in life that we judge on a daily basis. Stop. Just stop. You will find your world in a much better place if you open yourself up to situations and people that you wouldn't typically allow yourself to open up to. I am having a difficult time trying to word my thoughts on this one, so bear with me. Rich is very grounded and likes routine. I am very free spirited and often live with my head in the clouds. Rich has lived near his family and friends his entire life. I uprooted myself when I was 18 and moved 1400 miles away to a place I had never been, with people I had never met. Rich will say hello to a stranger, I will be the one getting their entire life story. Rich is great about doing the dishes as soon as he is done cooking. I would rather crochet or talk oils. Rich is super dedicated to his running routine. I am better at eating nutritionally. You see, we both bring things to this relationship and they are entirely different things. Yet, at it's core, these things help balance us out. Never look at a person and decide that they may not be the right person for you simply becuase you have different ways of navigating through life. If you love someone, you love their differences too. You allow yourself to open up to what they have to offer, and you come full circle to rule #1 and being vulnerable.

When we first met. The first time we laid eyes on each other, all of the insecurities and doubts faded for a moment. They lingered for a bit afterwards, but they subsided enough for us to see that the person we were looking at was fantastic! Before he got here, I worried that he would think I was too fat (we met on a weight loss site for crying out loud!!!) and he was worried I wouldn't see past the alopecia that had recently changed his life. None of that mattered. It still doesn't. What matter is that we chose this. We decided that we wanted each other in our lives, and that we were going to find a way to make it work. There are ups and downs just like with any other couple, but I can tell you that I am still madly in love with this man. We are planning our wedding for June 24, 2017. That is less than a year away!! I hope you decide to join us, through this blog, on that adventure! If you have any LDR questions, please feel free to ask!